Hiding Behind The A-Gay

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Details published an article recently that has been causing a bit of an uproar in the community. The article, The Rise of the A-Gay, takes a look at a supposedly emerging market of gay men that have transcended gay stereotypes and become more than gay. Here's how the article defines these so-called A-Gays:

Make way for the A-gays. Moneyed, successful, educated, and comfortable in their own skin, they're fast becoming the new archetype of cosmopolitan masculinity. The urban man's man. They don't own yappy miniature dogs or time-shares in Fort Lauderdale; they own Labradors and four-bedroom summer homes in Sag Harbor. Instead of cruising in gay clubs, they jet to Gstaad or the TED conference, and party at Sundance with Zooey Deschanel. They don't want to be part of any kind of closeted group or velvet mafia. Their Savile Row suits are impeccable (A-gays tend to go custom rather than buying off the rack), and they furnish their homes with collectible pieces by designers like Claude Lalanne. They drive to Krav Maga class in Lexus hybrids and read four newspapers a day, including the Wall Street Journal, because they're bosses and entrepreneurs, not employees. Often athletic, they're never steroid queens. And they can pull off having much-younger boyfriends without looking creepy. Artists and photographers approach them with new works. Charity committees beg them to cohost their benefits and sit on their boards—and they have portfolios of philanthropic interests that aren't just gay- or AIDS-related.

Interesting. So a member of a minority group that has "transcended" their traditional stereotype roles to fit into the mainstream ideal of normative success must then be labeled grade A. All others, therefore, are less than. What a cute little attempt to pass of hetero-centric mentality as acceptance.

Oh, but don't fear. There's more about these wonderful "A-Gays" and their perfect fit into the standardized gender roles:

"A-gays mark measurable societal progress," says Laura Gilbert, editor of the pop-culture website lemondrop.com. "People can now be out without being expected to swish. It's the Neil Patrick Harris/Portia de Rossi brand of gay."

Ah, yes. Str8 Acting is the new gay. Haven't I already touched on that?

"At first when we meet one, we feel a glimmer of hope for the existence of funny, charming, debonair, clean-shaven men. Soon, though, the reality sinks in."

And the ladies, apparently, go cry for their losses that such a meaningful member of society is just not that straight?

Here's the deal. Gay people always have, and always will, come in all shapes and sizes, all levels of success and economic need, and all colors of skin. It is not a new thing that gay men are in positions of power and have nice cars and vacation at non-gay-exclusive locales. MOST gays do not take trips to The Dunes. Some do though (we did), and it's perfectly OK to do so.

What I find most annoying about this article is that it praises the normative social behaviors of a select of group people at the expense of the entire rest of the gay community, and it's subtle about it. It tries to frame things that are seen as "the gay lifestyle" as unattractive and not conducive to a wealthy, "successful" lifestyle.

If you ask me, the way the article describes these "A-Gay," these people are simply trying to hide from their culture to gain an extra dollar in the world. If they are "too gay" they can get ahead and fit in with the hetero peoples. Well, sorry to say it, but that's just not acceptance.

Acceptance is taking me for who I am, whether that be a queeny, flag-bearing protester or a snooty, well-to-do fashionista. My biggest complaint about the article is not that people that the author paints as "A-Gays" exist, it's that the author is clearly trying to draw a wedge and say "these people are acceptable because they aren't really that gay." Fuck that. I want acceptance, and I want it for every color of our rainbow.

I want acceptance for gays and trannies. I want equality in my relationship and yours. And I demand that you respect me for who I am not who you want me to be.